In recent times, I’ve learned that I have a dysfunctional relationship with both love and money. Both of these vices have the potential of being deeply positive and deeply negative. As I reflect on both, I see the different parallels that exist between them. When used positively, they have the potential of making life fruitful and beautiful but negatively, they can really hollow out your heart and mind.
For several years now, my relationship with love has been one of taking, of selfishness. I have found comfort in receiving love from people while keeping them at a distance from my heart so that I never have to give back. I’ve thrived from the attention received from male counterparts but been too cool to attend back. It’s not that I intentionally guard myself or prevent myself from feeling or giving; it just so happens that my life experiences have shaped me into an ungiving, cold person. There is some degree of safety in this. You are not likely to get profoundly hurt or sad. However, that also means that you are unlikely to profoundly learn or grow. To shield your heart from hurt limits the richness of its experience. It may feel as though you have the upper hand when you receive and don’t give but what you have is guilt and perpetual loneliness. Similarly for money, many of us like to hoard money for safety and to look out for ourselves, but there is a perpetual sadness in this. Money feels better when shared, distributed, and given back. Holding onto more money than necessary for survival only provides a very hollow, temporary satisfaction. The enriching way to use it is to distribute.
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