Love IV

I remember that first Valentine’s Day of intimacy
and how uncomfortable it made me.
Second Valentine’s became comfortable
–idea of romance less repulsive,
more normal, more regular, more mundane.
Third Valentine I had determination of walking away
looking back

wishing I kept my discomfort.

Intimacy will never be comfortable for me
but I learned to lie so well,
pretend so convincingly.

Lying in different arms
thinking of the feel of your chest
against my cheek,
your arms around me.
In that moment, we both wanted comfort
and we had it.
It was wrong for me.

Maybe it will always be.


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