Love IV

I remember that first Valentine’s Day of intimacy
and how uncomfortable it made me.
Second Valentine’s became comfortable
–idea of romance less repulsive,
more normal, more regular, more mundane.
Third Valentine I had determination of walking away
looking back

wishing I kept my discomfort.

Intimacy will never be comfortable for me
but I learned to lie so well,
pretend so convincingly.

Lying in different arms
thinking of the feel of your chest
against my cheek,
your arms around me.
In that moment, we both wanted comfort
and we had it.
It was wrong for me.

Maybe it will always be.



I embrace my painful thoughts
with tears of affection.
Long lost friends that
reveal me to myself.
How painful it was to search my mind
for feeling
and return with
I ran through hallways of tragedies
only to find the stone face of apathy.
Separated by a comfortable distance
surrounded by indifference
sitting idly in its mindless company.
In numbness,
I ceased to think, I ceased to be.

Leave Vince Li The Fuck Alone: why your opinion of the ‘Greyhound murderer’ is stupid.

Before you use your mighty intellectual abilities to come to a poorly educated opinion about the case of Vince Li, use it instead to write down 5 facts you know about schizophrenia. When I say 5 facts, I don’t mean stories, fables, and hearsay. I mean facts. You have the most powerful, information-rich tools at your disposal, so use them. Specifically if you are any one of the army of clowns who aggressively promote ‘Bell Let’s Talk’ day, you should especially find comfort in this task.

If you find yourself comparing the state in which Vince Li beheaded his victim to symptoms of depression, bipolar disorder, anxiety and the like, then just pause and take the opportunity to smack yourself. Even if it’s a metaphorical smack, you now know that you have no working knowledge of schizophrenia yet have taken it upon yourself to impart criminal justice sentencing wisdom to society. So, here are 5 things that you should know about schizophrenia: Continue reading

Fuck Your ‘Closet’ Feminism

I know an unhealthy number of males who are feminists in spirit, in their deep seated ideologies, however, their actions largely take disgusting, sexist forms. In fact, their ideologies are the very thing that assists them in justifying their detrimental actions. They tend to feel that since they already believe in female empowerment, it makes them immune from acting in ways that harm women, that they’ve somehow become shielded from contributing to a culture of misogyny. Right?

Image result for trump gif wrong

(I thought the message would be more powerful if imparted by your Lord & Saviour Donald) Continue reading

Art Economy

The thing about the art economy is….there’s either too little or too much. You either have a situation where artists are mocked and not taken seriously or a situation where artists are overly celebrated and obsessed over. You either make no money or all of the money. There’s no in between. You can’t be an artist just making an average living, the way you have accountants, doctors, engineers, lawyers, janitors, electricians, plumbers. This is because as an artist who hasn’t ‘made it’, you’re just an artist who’s trying. Since you can’t really do the average things like own a place and pay your bills as an artist who’s ‘trying’, your art is seldom taken seriously. Try telling a person that you’re striving to be an actor. Because the probability of breaking into the small, exclusive market of Hollywood actors is so low, people will be stunned. Some may even act intrigued, but they are likely to be generally uncomfortable with the concept and will resolve to judging. It’s hard to even argue that they are wrong. It is true; chances of breaking into those spaces is much closer to impossible than anything else. Continue reading

Racist Co-Workers

The organization I work for is gigantic and is consequently comprised of a great diversity of workers. When I say ‘great’, I’m not implying that we have a necessarily positive diversity. I just mean to say, yes, there are a lot of different type of people. So, I guess as logic dictates would be true, much like the larger populous, some of these people are completely shitty assholes. They’re stupid, ignorant, and very vocal (a strange trait that frequently accompanies the first two…the U to their Q if you will). Continue reading

Small Talk

I’m trying to become better at conversing with people. I’m quite socially awkward, I prefer to be alone, and much like everybody else, I hate small talk. And just as my luck would have it, small talk for me typically turns into smaller talk rather than better talk. Most of my interaction with unfamiliar humans happens at work. Usually, I run into someone that I don’t know very well but well enough that I’m obliged to say a few sentences. I’m not sure where I picked this up but my conditioned response is to act delighted for being graced with their sudden and unexpected presence. I’m actually surprised at how convincing I am in seeming delighted, even though common sense would dictate that I couldn’t possibly be that delighted at all. Both parties are aware that we share no special connection or have ever engaged in any meaningful conversation before. These people are usually middle-aged women, so I’m certainly not romantically or sexually excited and chances are that they are not either. Continue reading