If you ever get the chance to live alone, take it.

We are all too familiar with the underratedness of solitude so I will spare you the cliches of discussing developing yourself as a person by being alone etc. What is special about being by yourself, especially, living by yourself goes beyond the deep virtues of self-knowledge and other related attributes. As important as they may be, deep spiritual development doesn’t always equate to being a better person in very literal ways in terms of your actions and livelihood. Although, to be fulfilled the previous might be more valuable, there is a certain essential value in acting in ways that make you more pleasant company to have around.

By living alone, you will learn to take care of yourself. Living at home, it is easy to take for granted, the numerous people who ensure that you are fed, clothed, bathed, and alive. Now, left alone to fend for yourself will make you realize how much other people have been helping you in your endeavours and your capability to do so by yourself. Little things like taking the initiative to take out trash define you. It’s the randomest thing, but it really does. You could be living at home as a lazy asshole who will not do these little things because you’ve accepted these tasks as being someone else’s responsibility. Even living with another person, such as your significant other, often call for the division of labor and you might have certain expectations of them like, again, taking out the trash. In the worst case scenario, you will be in a gendered living situation where the male is taking out the trash and fixing things around the house and the female is cooking in the kitchen, doing laundry and other such shit. But ultimately, living by yourself will force you to do all of these tasks. There is no one to baby you and take care of you. You’re on your own and you’re fucking surviving. It’s beautiful. You get to know the crass and crevaces of your house, fixing its little attributes by yourself. You will learn to experiment with food. Not to mention, form into a more interesting person overall.

Next, now that you’ve realized that others have played a vital role in ensuring your shitty existence so far, you are also going to realize, that hey, you in fact don’t need them. You very literally need no one else to survive. You might need others, especially a sense of community, to survive well, but you very literally don’t need any other human being to survive in the world. You can do for yourself. This is minimalism of existence. It will make you more confident in your capabilities and self-dependent in the way you conduct yourself, which are again, highly attractive human attributes. It’s kind of like masturbating in a way. Yeah, maybe sexual pleasures are better when accompanied by human companionship, but if you’re incapable of doing it for yourself, then there can’t be doing much else for the people you’re involved with. So, learn to survive on your own and masturbate.

All of this is not to undermine the valuable companionship in your life that are commonly prevalent in the form of parents, siblings, friends, and significant others but you should note that most of these relationships are accompanied by a ‘fluff’ factor. To maintain a living situation with other human beings, you need to constantly invite them into your thoughts and verbalize your ideas (in a healthy situation anyways). This process gives importance to the most insignificant of things. For example, having to explain where you are going should you at random decide to wander outside, having to justify the motivation behind changing a t.v. channel, and pretty much anything else that creates a smidgen of difference in your mundane routine. As soon as you deviate, the people/person you are residing with needs to understand your motivation for the change. And even though, there are many worse things that can impede in the enjoyment of your life, these ‘fluffy’ interractions mask the important things and integrate them with the insignificant ones. With the distraction of explaining inconsequential deviances, there is not much time to be still, empty, and clear. There is so much cloudiness, or as I like to call it, ‘fluff’, preventing us from getting to anything deeper.

To add to the rigidness of the routine is the fact that people who have known you for some time have preconceptions and expectations of you. Every time you interract with them, it reinforces who you have always been. It could be that they perceive you as being more intelligent than you really are, which in turn can prevent you from questioning your flaws, or worse yet, they can perceive as being more shittier than you really are, which will contribute to the dimishing of your self-esteem. Either way, it is much more challenging to assess your behaviour on your own, learn, grow, and most importantly change.

With all of that being said, I’ve only ever lived by myself for some odd two months, in a high-in-demand area of a beautiful city. People who have been living alone for several years will call bullshit on at least some of these points and cite loneliness and overratedness as reasons to believe the contrary. Of course it matters where you’re living and what you’re doing but I say that these people have been in bliss so long that they forgot how much of their happiness is a result of their living conditions and can’t grasp the magnitude of their privelege. It is so dope, enlightening and all that jazz to have that experience and if you get the chance, you’d be a doofus not to take it.

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2 thoughts on “If you ever get the chance to live alone, take it.

  1. “People who have been living alone for several years will call bullshit on at least some of these points…” No not at all, I agree with you entirely. And even though I have been living in bliss for many years I still now that it is bliss. I still have partners and friends and a normal life but I learnt between the ages of 17 and about 23 who I was by just being with me and since then I always knew that it was a good experience and that I would always return to it. Some people can spend a whole lifetime and never spend a night on their own in a flat or house, it seems that some people absolutely scare the crap out of themselves so they don’t let the opportunity arise. It’s quite scary and it must be quite tiring always making sure that you never have enough time to sit and think and get to know yourself.
    I would say that there is another level that you reach that may sound crazy when I tell you but if you ever were to get there it makes perfect sense. I know other people who have lived by themselves for years and they do the same as me in that we ‘talk to ourselves’. Immediately people get uncomfortable about such a concept like it’s the strangest thing possible. People say things like “I’m not mad, I just talk to myself” and then laugh afterwards quite a lot as if it is some hilarious joke. Truth is, I’m not mad and that’s why I can talk to myself. People say other things like “Talking to yourself is ok… As long as you don’t answer yourself” and then laugh the same laugh as the last rubbish joke. Why would you not answer yourself, that would be madness out of all the people that can possibly ignore you ie everyone, the only one you can truly have any influence over making sure that they answer is yourself. Of course I answer myself. I understand that it does look totally crazy and there have been occasions when other have actually caught me talking to myself. In one instance it was hilarious, when I lived in shared accommodation someone came to knock on my door but then obviously decided to stay at the door and listen to me and my friend talking, eventually when they came in and asked where my friend was and I just answered normally that I hadn’t seen him all day. I suddenly saw the realisation creep across his face at the same time that I realised he had been stood at the door listening, to me… talk to me… and answer me and… he didn’t stay much longer.
    The issue sort of plagued me for a while until I did some research and I worked it all out. It is scientifically proven that talking to yourself helps you to do tasks and solve problems better than if you didn’t. That’s how children learn so quick, they talk themselves through whatever they are doing, tying their laces, tidying up their room, walking down stairs, everything. But gradually overtime adults make them realise that it’s not accepted in the grown up world and most of the time before they stop being children they no longer talk to themselves. I truly believe that talking to yourself is the most natural thing a human could do, it makes perfect sense and the more animated it is or the more different opinions that chip in the better. What’s more I decided that we don’t talk to ourselves, ask a child. If a child were talking to themselves and someone walk passed then stopped and asked who they were talking to they would say ‘no-one’. I don’t think they are avoiding any question there just being honest and I don’t think they would often say that they were talking to themselves. They are just talking, I am just talking not to me, not to anyone else, just talking and it’s absolutely amazing. I hope to get better at it. With all that intelligence that humans have they decide to ignore themselves and make it harder, it just doesn’t make sense.
    It’s just a theory I’m working on. I only really came to say hi, long time no see, but I got carried away.
    Even just living by yourself for two months or so I guess would put you in a minority in society because I doubt that even 10-15% of people have done that. And if it all gets too much I can highly recommend two rats as pets, even if you are thinking urgghhhh that’s horrible like I once did and then somehow found that I’d adopted two rats without realising. But they are the most amazing pets ever, and they don’t mind people talking randomly to seemingly no one but themselves.
    Be happy and be happier and be free and be You and everything….
    Bye……………..

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    • It’s interesting that you mention “talking to yourself”, especially in reponse to this post. I’ve always engaged in that, and although I’ve never thought it to be abnormal (perhaps because I witnessed my mother do the same when I was young), but I do reflexively stop as soon as someone notices what I’m doing. It’s not so much within myself that I hold the value of its abnormality, but more so in other people’s perception and to the extent that it’s a private space for myself.

      I’m also much more likely to speak with myself when I’m alone in the house. As for rats, I think they used to haunt me in my childhood and it would be a terrible idea to deprive myself of sleep to cultivate a relationship with the appealing aspects of them. I do respect your lifestyle though.

      Good hearing from you again. Stay well.

      Like

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