Female Sexuality and Brown Folks

This “controversial” piece has been a longtime coming and I hope my audience is predominantly people who are the most uncomfortable with it.

So, female sexuality. Why is female sexuality such a taboo? Is it not strange that even though sex involves two partners, it is depicted and talked about as if it’s only pleasurable for the one?  I’ve encountered countless males and females who obsess about female purity as if it were the 13th century (or any one of those other super early ones. These numbers themselves have no significance to me since I never actually bothered learning them at any point in my educational career.) In any case, it really doesn’t matter what your sexual behaviour is (or isn’t) like, but if you are someone who obsesses about portraying themselves as a non-sexual, pure, god/goddess-like entity, chances are, you are extremely lame.

Some of the most intelligent women I meet happen to be the most hesitant to make visible, the existence of any form of sexual desire within them and if you really think about it, it makes sense why ‘the most intelligent’ women would seem to do so. Perhaps they know the society around them all too well and even have a well formulated grasp of how to survive fruitfully. I don’t respect that shit though and I will still attribute extreme levels of lameness to you for it. It’s about god damn time you surpass that juvenile level of calculated intelligence and manifest into the world like the wild beast that you are. All that that behaviour expresses to me is that you are a captive of social ideas and are highly guided by the way you are perceived by other human beings. None of that is respectable. Surprisingly enough, males of all shapes, sizes, and intelligence are quite comfortable with talking about themselves watching porn, jerking off, and desiring sex.

There is another extreme that I’m somewhat skeptical of though: the over-expresser. I also don’t need to know which specific positions you assumed last night or any of those other unnecessary details. We get it. You’re sexually active. Please save some of these conversations, words, and images for your partner(s). Unless you share it in the writer’s (artist’s, comedian’s etc.) way in which case over-sharing can be interesting and entertaining. But most of the people in this category go about it in a whack way and likely haven’t established adequate communication with the person they’re boning. In this sense, I do admire discretion to a certain degree. That and well, having something private between you and the person you are, after all, getting ‘intimate’ with.

This whole post isn’t going to be about how our oppression has shaped our sexuality. I’m primarily going to discuss the role of females in perpetuating this view in modern society because I’m going to assume that we’re all too familiar with misogyny and its impact in shaping that part of us. And knowing that, it will also inevitably fall upon us to liberate ourselves. Things will change too slowly if were to wait for external acceptance to be ourselves so the honus is on us, as it should be, like shit.

Now, let’s go back to the problem at hand. The taboo and the mystery that is, female sexuality. This whole taboo often comes in the way of my friendship with these females who are victims to their own purity. It causes them to be unwilling to fully express themselves which in turn makes them boring, constrained, and artificial to be around. Oh, and I’m not talking about young females either. I’m talking about 21+ years old, grown ass women that are completely uncomfortable with their own and other people’s sexuality. Most of them are from the Indian and Pakistani subcontinents, where women’s sexuality is often condemned in both implicit and explicit ways, although not to say that it is anymore celebrated in the North American culture. I feel that I should mention though, that for talking so much shit, I myself am not too experienced in the sexual domain. However, let it be known that it has nothing to do with efforts of preserving ‘purity’ or being a ‘respectable’, ‘good’ girl. I have nothing but celebratory philosophies when it comes to female sexuality and I plan to be a single, 40-45 year old cougar who will be seducing and consequently, boning a lot of fine, young gentlemen. I haven’t planned many things for my future, but this I’m almost completely certain of.

I have also noticed another pattern about myself: I enjoy the company of the freest women and I love talking with women who are comfortable with their sexuality. Their conversation game as a whole is just significantly better. I’m not saying these are women who have a lot of sexual encounters per se, but rather people who are comfortable identifying their completely normal human needs of sexuality. They are raw and amiable in the way they approach matters instead of controlled, high soditty, and annoying. The latter think they are very clever when it comes to manipulating the way they are perceived. On the contrary, it is hyper-visible that everything they say is driven more by its aesthetic value rather than human value, making them supremely uninteresting. They will often act as if Penis is a disease that they have managed to stay away from all their life and will continue to do so. They will also become very awkward when any topics relating to sexual matters come up, even in groups comprising only females, and act as if they’ve never encountered such desires before.

This one girl actually said to one of my friends, “Omg ew, if I saw a dick, I would faint.” Mind you, everybody knew of her sexual activities that would point to the contrary, thanks to her loudmouth, wackboy Mating Partner. Sure it was high school but why would someone expect a straight female to have this reaction to a Penis? Why would you think that telling people this is more normal than admitting that you’ve had sex? I may never know and she might be too extreme an example of stupidity. It is a pretty good example of the general pattern in Southeast Asian female minds though and how ridiculous it is capable of becoming.  Also, when encouraging and promoting ideas that ‘good’ women don’t desire sex, things like this happen:

I’m an adult dude, I’m a person” (sighs, what admirable women)

Males, believing that you have no sexual desires, feel the need to ‘trick’ you into it and ‘convince’ you to get with them. Now, if we could all just be candid about our desires, there would be no need to be belittled by imbeciles and have them see us as objects to be acted upon and tricked. Don’t get me wrong though; I’m not trying to justify these actions or blame them on the females. But can we not minimize such stupidity by resolving all the confusion? Can we not start having conversations about what is attractive and what we desire? I think that would be taking steps in that positive direction so at least, these things that men do that are so unattractive, such as making cat-calls and/or saying/acting in ways so as to manipulate us and other dishonest engagements in general, can be popularized as what they are: super unattractive. As for the judgement you might be prone to receiving as a response to your honesty, remember, the guys putting you down are likely the stupidest fuckers of the herd and probably people you’re not trying to associate with anyways.

On that note, I will say that to me, the sexiest thing a man can be is a feminist. That is a major turn-on. Not pseudo-feminist like a lot of men who I know are–who claim the title for themselves and fail miserably to follow through with lifestyles and actions. These men often will be attracted to that wack female entity who is conservative, insecure, silent, and dishonest about her sexuality. They will also only believe in women’s empowerment to the extent that is convenient and doesn’t require them to venture too far outside of their narrow mindedness. Nope, I’m talking about the real, real feminists, who you can just draw out without them having to claim anything, by the way they love all women and hold them in high regards, regardless of their sexual activities and their social standing. That’s very rare and very sexy.

Not impossible to find though, just very very rare. What might be weirder is that I’m attracted to males who understand and respect “promiscuous” females, not because I would be considered belonging to that category (Ha! I wish), but because it shows me that they understand our struggles and have a generally uplifting attitude towards us. That is attractive, man. Plus, what woman wouldn’t want to devour a male who is interested in genuinely respecting and endorsing her sexuality?

There was my effort in starting that conversation. I hope you articulate tonight what are some irresistible attributes about males to you and what kind of man is compatible with your sexuality.

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